Rule 1: The Doctor Lies
by One Nutty Tree
Summary: Set after The Girl Who Waited. Rory is angry with the Doctor for abandoning the other version of Amy, but when they visit Ronalopius for breakfast the Doctor encounters his own problems.
1. Chapter 1

Rory hated the Doctor and quite frankly the man couldn't blame him. Amy was angry too but less so, when it came down it he had saved her. If she'd known what the older Amy had gone through she would've been as mad at the Doctor as her husband currently was. Maybe even more so. He flinched at the mere thought of Amy in a rage, he feared what it would be like if that fury was aimed at him.

He tried to make it up to them by bringing the couple to breath taking planets, many of devastating beauty. Rory seemed to enjoy himself with Amy but ignored the Doctor. The Timelord was starting to give up. It was clear that Rory was not in a forgiving mood. It was during this painful week that the Doctor decided not to sleep, fearing the horde of oncoming guilty nightmares. He meditated instead, rather badly. The Doctor wasn't too keen on sitting still but the tiredness helped.

Amy found him like this one morning, in a half awake half asleep trance.

"Doctor?"

No reply. She clapped her hands in front of his face. Still no reaction. Amy decided to take advantage of the moment and attempted to remove his bow tie. That got his attention.

"Hands off Pond!" the Doctor exclaimed making Amy jump. "How many times must I say it? Bow ties are cool."

She snorted. He stood and started to dance around the console twisting and turning levers in ways she'd never thought possible. Finally he came full circle and faced Amy. She frowned.

"Doctor you look terrible!"

"How do you mean? It's the hair isn't it? I've always wanted to be ginger." he babbled.

"You look ill." Amy interrupted.

It was true. The Timelord was as pale as the ghosts he often fought off and this only enhanced the shadows under his eyes.

"I feel fine." He lied. "Now where do you want to go for breakfast?"

"I don't know. Let me ask Rory."

"I was thinking perhaps the Ig and son café on Rexacalicorpfalabatorius? Or maybe –"

The Doctor began listing places but accidentally interrupted himself with a coughing fit. Rory came to see who was making the racket. Amy stared at him in alarm.

"Doctor you're not fine." Amy announced firmly.

"Of course I'm fine! Why wouldn't I be fine?" he denied before muttering to himself "Timelords shouldn't get sick." He turned to face the console. "Rory where do you want to go for breakfast?"

Rory didn't respond. The Doctor was not very surprised.

"Rory where do you want to go for breakfast?" asked Amy a bit more insistently.

"Let's try that restaurant on Ronalopius again, that place had some good food." he decided.

"Ronalopius it is!" said the Doctor pressing several buttons at once.

The TARDIS swung into action but before it could lurch properly the Doctor pulled the blue stabilisers that he had once nicknamed "boringers".

"What did you do that for?" asked Rory, shocked at the sudden stability of the vehicle.

The Doctor smiled, they were on speaking terms at long last.

"I thought you'd be sick and tired of turbulence by now."

"Doctor what is up with you?" said Amy sharing an astonished look with her husband.

"Nothing. I just wanted to have a nice sit down without being thrown to the floor."

Amy gaped at him.

"What?"

"Ah we're here!"

The Doctor sprung to his feet and hurled the doors open beckoning to the confused pair. They walked out.

The Doctor lead the way to their breakfast of the morning whilst Rory and Amy trailed behind him. They arrived and the Doctor went to talk to an alien.

"What's wrong with him?" Amy wondered quietly.

"A lot of things." Rory muttered.

She slapped his arm.

"You could at least try to be nice."

"Not after what he did to you."

"He had no choice!" Amy snapped.

"So he gave it to me."

Amy sighed. She knew this conversation was going nowhere. Rory seemed to recognise this too.

"Let's just enjoy breakfast." he compromised.

"Fine."

At this point the Doctor returned to them.

"Okay we could get in but there's been a slight change of plan. In order to eat here we have to stay for a few days."

"What? In the restaurant?" Amy complained.

"No don't be silly! On the planet."

"Can't you use your psychic paper?" said Rory.

"I tried but they said that even kings have to book in advance." he explained. "Fortunately I was able to sonic the sprinklers and in the distraction nicked some food."

The doctor produced two plates chock full of green spaghetti and a strange blue slush. Amy eyed the plate cautiously but her stomach rumbled, so she took the bizarrely coloured alien food. She sipped the slush.

"Mm! That's quite good." she announced licking her lips. "You've got to try this Rory!"

Amy then proceeded to slurp up the rest of its contents. The Doctor laughed at how noisily she was eating and handed a nervous looking Rory his plate.

"Eat up - you're the one who wanted to come here in the first place."

He sipped the blue liquid and gave Amy a thumbs up, grinning.

"I told you you'd like it!"

Rory couldn't help but laugh at the blue moustache the delicious slush had given her. She rolled her eyes, not understanding the joke.

"Doctor aren't you going to eat anything?" she asked noticing his empty hands.

He too started to chuckle.

"Sorry but I just can't take you seriously with that –" he gestured at her mouth.

Initially she looked puzzled but then understood and wiped it with the back of her hand.

"Answer please?"

"I wasn't feeling hungry." He replied sounding a bit more solemn.

She tilted her head and frowned at him.

"You'd tell us if something was wrong, right?"

But the Doctor had already turned away ignoring her question.

"Whilst we're here we might as well explore!" And with that he set off into the blue forest by their side. Amy and Rory exchanged glances, and then followed him still guzzling down their food. Despite the fact that the Doctor was so far ahead he was nearly out of sight the occasional coughing fit allowed them to catch up. "did you know that blue slush you're eating is sap taken from these trees?" he yelled back to them in a rather hoarse voice.

Amy and Rory looked at each other and then at their empty plates.

"No." they chorused.

The Doctor turned to face their distant figures.

"What's that? I can't hear you!" he shouted.

Then he tripped over a vine and his foot snagged on a noose. He soon found himself in the air, upside-down hanging by his foot. This did nothing to help his already slightly disorientated state.

"Doctor!" Amy yelled.

She and Rory ran over to him.

"We're going to get you down." reassured Rory.

"Yes, that would be nice." replied the Doctor giving him a look.


	2. Chapter 2

Suddenly a strange fuzzy blue hairball of a creature jumped out on them from behind the trees. Amy screamed in surprise. It ignored her and turned to the Doctor.

"I'm so sorry old chap! This trap is always catching the wrong type of animal." it apologised.

"I'm not an animal!" the Doctor spluttered.

The blue hairball sprouted fine green wings and rose into the air. His huge fanged mouth cut through the rope and sent the Doctor hurtling to the ground in front of Rory and Amy. He sat up and rubbed his head, alarmed to find himself wheezing slightly.

"Far too weedy a specimen to be worth killing anyways." the creature muttered.

"Ow." groaned the doctor. Amy helped him up. "Wait! What's your name?" he called as the creature started to fly away.

"Ron." It replied before zooming off into the sunset.

Wait a minute – sunset? They'd come here for breakfast! Then the Doctor remembered that Ronalopius had notoriously short days, Rory too seemed to notice this.

"Doctor it's getting dark."

"We need to get back to the restaurant now."

"Why?" said Amy. "It's not the first time we've wandered around in the middle of the night."

"Because when it gets dark the monsters come out."

Rory gulped. That did not sound promising.

"Are we going to make a run for it then?" suggested Amy.

"No." the Doctor replied. " the noise we make will only attract creatures. Besides I don't want any of us to end up hanging upside-down because we overlooked something."

"It's a bit late for that isn't it?" said Amy.

"Let me get this straight, we have to _speed-walk_ away from the monsters?" asked Rory.

"They're not monsters here, simply nature and yes." said the Doctor and with that he set off.

Rory took Amy's hand and they followed. They still had the empty plates to return.

It was eerily quiet in the blue forest. Even the alien birdsong had slowly screeched to a stop (for which the Doctor was glad. The Skree birds were not known for their tuneful melody and had been giving him a headache). They were still a good distance from the exit and the light was fading fast. He knew there was no way they'd make it before nightfall but didn't have the heart to give up that easily. The Doctor could feel that frustrating tickle in his throat threatening to alert their presence to the entire forest. He turned to his companions knowing he could no longer hold it in.

"Run."

Then he started to cough loudly. It was a horrible hacking cough that made Amy stare at him with worry. Rory started to run and pulled her with him. He hoped that the Doctor knew what he was doing for once.

THUD!

The ground shook. The pair stopped to gawp at the huge beast approaching the Doctor. It had dark blue skin to match the trees surrounding it yet the green sheen of its scales gave the creature away despite the camouflage. It had the luminous, slit, eyes of a cat along with a feline's poise yet its tail was the length of the loch ness monster and slithered past Rory and Amy. The Doctor was still coughing.

"We can't just leave him!"

"He left you!" argued Rory.

"I know! Let's not make the same mistake twice." Amy snapped.

She hitched a ride on the creature's tail that snaked through the trees nearby. Rory dithered for a few minutes then reluctantly joined his wife. By the time they arrived at the scene the Doctor had just about managed to control his coughing. Breathlessly he waved at the monster. It roared back at him. The Doctor closed his eyes and tried to think but the sound of shattering glass made him open them. Amy had just thrown at plate into the creature's eye. It shrieked in pain as Rory threw his. Its tail flicked up and sent them flying into the bushes behind. This gave the Doctor just enough time to grab his sonic screwdriver. He pressed the button on it and winced at the high pitched sound it emitted. The creature fled in terror. Then the Doctor rushed over to his brave companions who were sitting in the bushes groaning.

"Come on, let's find somewhere safe to stay until the morning." he said helping them up. "Thanks by the way."

"No problem." Amy smiled brushing the vegetation off her skirt.

They set off again, this time searching for a place to hide. It wasn't long until they found one.

"Doctor over here!" called Rory.

"Sssh! Ah that's perfect." whispered the Doctor.

They had found a hollow tree. Each of them took it in turns to crawl through the hole. It was a bit of a squish. Amy and Rory decided they might as well get some rest even if it was only breakfast time and snuggled up next to each other. Rory was soon snoring; the Doctor was very good at tiring him out. As for the Doctor himself he was doing his meditation thing. Amy watched him curiously.

"Why don't you get some sleep? You look like you need it."

"Sleeping is overrated, it just makes things worse."

"Doctor you're exhausted."

He lay down reluctantly and closed his eyes.

"Happy now?"

Amy smiled.

Fifteen minutes later the Doctor awoke yelling. His hand pressed against a nook in the wall of the trunk and he found himself rolling down through a dimly lit underground tunnel. He dug his heels into the muddy ground and used them as brakes. It hurt, but worked. Getting to his feet he stared back up the tunnel wondering if his commotion had woken up his companions.

"Doctor!" called Amy, in a half shout-half whisper for fear of what creatures her voice may attract.

He opened his mouth to yell back a reply but nothing came out except another series of coughs. Amy tried to follow the sound. The next thing she knew she was tumbling down the tunnel towards him. However she was accompanied by a sleepy Rory. The Doctor held up his hands to shield himself but was still bowled over by the pair.

"Ow!" Rory moaned.

Amy gingerly got up.

"Sorry. Doctor you'd better have a good explanation for all of this!"

The Doctor stood, swayed and leant heavily on the grimy tunnel wall. He tried to speak again but only coughs emerged. Quickly closing his mouth he decided to attempt a little body language. He pointed to his eye.

"I?" guessed Rory in confusion.

The Doctor nodded, then proceeded to shake his finger at them.

"Naughty?" suggested Amy.

The Doctor shook his head.

"Bad?" said Rory.

The Doctor shook his head again. This was going nowhere. He started to delve through his coat pockets impatiently.

"Lost?"

"Bad fashion sense?"

The Doctor paused to glare at Amy before continuing his search.

"I don't think it's that." Rory informed his wife.

Finally the Doctor found what he was looking for; his psychic paper. Amy and Rory were perplexed.

"How is psychic paper naughty?"

Amy's eyes widened in surprise as she read the message appearing on it.

_I was trying to say I don't know where this tunnel leads any more than you do but clearly that could've taken several hours._


	3. Chapter 3

"Why don't you just talk to us?" asked Rory.

_I can't._

"Why not?" questioned Amy.

The Doctor rolled his eyes.

_Let me demonstrate._

He opened his mouth and tried to form the word because but once again nothing came out. He'd completely lost his voice. Then the coughing started up again. He winced. Every time he coughed he felt a growing pain in his chest. He covered his mouth which seemed to stop it for the moment.

_Okay maybe I'm not fine._

"Ha! You admit it!" Amy accused triumphantly.

The Doctor had forgotten just how well the psychic paper transmitted thoughts, whether he wanted them to be shown or not.

_Whoops. Look whilst we're here we might as well have a look around._

Still leaning on the wall the Doctor started to lead the way.

"How did he find the tunnel in the first place?" muttered Rory.

The Doctor remembered his panicked discovery and before he could stop himself it was being described on the psychic paper. He stuffed it into his pocket abruptly.

"This muddy tunnel is ruining my new boots!" Amy complained.

After several minutes of following the windy tunnel they came across strange drawings on the walls in red.

"What are these?" breathed Rory, in awe of the detailed artwork.

These cave drawings were certainly not drawn by the average Neanderthal. The Doctor held up the psychic paper.

_Stories of how this planet began._

"How can you tell?"

_There's my signature alongside the scientists'. I remember visiting Ronalopius many decades ago when he first drew this._

Amy squinted at the picture in the dim light, trying to understand the legend behind it.

"Scientist?"

_This culture is much more advanced than Earth's._

Rory too stared at the work in more detail.

In the centre of the intricate diagram was a large lizard covered in hair. Next to it was a blue hairball with eyes and sharp teeth. The drawing was made up of rings. The first ring was of discarded blue hair, one piece having a face. The second layer was of toenail clippings and the third showed shiny green scales. The outermost ring contained bones. Amy didn't understand what any of this had to do with the planet's origin. A description began to appear on the psychic paper.

_In the beginning Achi the great lizard came into existence. From his fur bushes were born, one a servant in disguise. Achi named his servant Ronalopius and ordered it to watch over his magical sheddings. Curious as to their magical properties Ronalopius trimmed his master's toenails as he slept. Much to it's astonishment the toenails hardened into a strange brown substance he named bark. Several days later Achi began to shed his shiny green scales. Ronalopius watched in wonder as they formed rivers. After a week Achi had given up nearly all of his being to create the planet that now surrounded them. When the great lizard died tearful Ronalopius collected it's master's bones and cried. As it's tears touched the bones they transformed. The first two became Skree birds, the second pair became small lizards and the third was a fellow hairball. The bones that remained untouched formed a solid ground beneath the beings. I'm surprised I remembered that much to be honest. This picture really brings back memories._

The cave drawing was rather captivating.

"Was Ronalopius immortal or something?" asked Rory.

The Doctor shrugged.

"It's just a story you dumbo!" said Amy.

"I know, but wasn't that blue thing that set the Doctor free called Ron?"

"Maybe it was just a coincidence?" she suggested.

The Doctor doubted it but continued to move down the tunnel. The lights that lit the place up were growing dimmer and the Doctor soon found he had to grope in the darkness to find the way. He had no method of communicating with Rory and Amy unless he started to cough, an option he was particularly unwilling to try. He reached out for a hand and felt something, no someone furry.

"Gosh your hands are warm! Have you got a fever or something?" exclaimed a familiar voice.

The Doctor jumped back in surprise and raised his sonic screwdriver in the face of his opponent. In the eerie green light of the screwdriver the creature's fanged mouth looked extremely menacing. The Doctor started to back further away. He held the psychic paper up to the light wondering why he hadn't tried it before.

_Who are you?_

"We met earlier when you got caught in my trap. I'm Ron. Who are you?"

_Where are my friends?_

"I don't know. You must've lost them a few turns ago. What are you doing in the Achi memorial maze?"

Forgetting that he couldn't speak the doctor opened his mouth ready to spurt out a garbled excuse for his behaviour. All that came out was a cough, shortly followed by another.

Rory and Amy were truly and utterly lost.

"Doctor, if you're still here, give us a sign or something!" said Amy. "I can't see a damn thing."

Since the dimming of the lights the couple had been tightly holding hands for fear of separation. The doctor hadn't been as smart.

"I think we've lost him." sighed Rory.

"Well let's find him then."

She strode off tugging her husband in tow, her free hand brushed against the wall by her side. Suddenly Amy stopped. Rory ran into her.

"What is it?"

"Sssh!" Rory was quiet. Together they listened. Then, sure enough, he recognised the faint sound of a coughing fit. "Do you hear that?"

"It's the doctor." Rory confirmed.

Amy started to follow the sound to the source but every time they got closer the Doctor seemed to move further away. Although his coughing was undeniably useful during times like this she was concerned about the fact that it hadn't stopped yet. After all, they'd been tailing the Doctor for a good few minutes at least. By the end of minute number ten the Doctor's coughs were close by and the tunnels appeared to be lighting up again. The pair couldn't help but notice how the walls around them were filled with ancient doodles; although these appeared newer than the previous ones. The drawings however were all of the same thing: a lizard. They reminded Rory of the one that had cornered the Doctor earlier that day. This time they didn't have time to admire the drawings. Amy beckoned impatiently to her husband. They rushed round the tunnel corner. The pair were too focussed on the Doctor to take note of their surroundings.

He was leaning on the wall and waved as they ran over. Then he collapsed.

"Doctor!" Amy yelled.

Rory knelt by the unconscious Timelord and checked his pulse.

"He's okay for the moment."

"Well at least that stopped the coughing racket." commented Ron.

Amy and Rory turned to face the alien.

"What did you do to him?" Amy accused.

"Nothing! He didn't look well when I found him and said as much through that bizarre paper of his."

Amy stared down the hairball for a few minutes then decided to believe it.

"It's like he's had a severe asthma attack." Rory mused still checking over the Doctor.

"Look furball where are we?" interrogated Amy.


	4. Chapter 4

"In the Achi memorial maze. This particular section is a shrine dedicated to him." At these words Rory and Amy looked around themselves properly. This section of tunnel was very spacey, effectively a large room. The walls were covered in archaic drawings whils statues and other strange trinkets that were old and beautiful littered the place. "The great lizard once lived here."

"How do you know?"

"I just do." said Ron simply. "The real question is what are you doing here?"

"Amy?" Rory interrupted.

"What!" she snapped.

"The Doctor's still holding the psychic paper. I can see his dreams."

This got her attention.

"You stay here." she told Ron before kneeling beside the Timelord.

"I'm not going anywhere; we're in a maze remember! I get lost here half the time." grumbled the blue hairball but he too snuck a peek at the psychic paper.

_It's very dark in here. Where is everyone? Ah footsteps. Here comes Rory. _

_Something's wrong. He's not even saying hello._

"_Rory?"_

"_What do you want Doctor? What more could you possibly need?" Rory's virtually spitting at me. "You've already got my wife killed. Why should I listen to you?"_

_WHAT!_

_ can't have happened. Amy can't be dead._

"_Don't act so innocent, she's not the first person you've killed."_

_I shake my head but a small part of me knows it's true._

"_No."_

"_You take ordinary people and you fashion them into weapons." says Rory, now he's quoting an old enemy._

"_Bu-"_

"_Donna Noble, Martha Jones, Rose Tyler –" I took a particularly sharp intake of breath at the mention of Donna, one of my more recent companions. "- are only a few of your victims. Look at you, you're not even denying it."_

_I look down at my feet. The worst part is that he's right._

"_I –"_

"_I'm not finished. I think we all agree it's time for you to pay." Now his mouth is emitting a Dalek cry. "EXTERMINATE."_

Amy shook the Doctor awake at this point unable to bear reading any more of his latest nightmare. He sat up like a bolt of lightning and took in his surroundings. The first person he saw was Amy. Letting out a sigh of relief he gave her a huge hug. After a few minutes Rory cleared his throat loudly. The Doctor let go of Amy and repressed a flinch when he saw her husband. He held up the psychic paper.

_Sorry. Right, now where were we?_

Amy was glad the doctor had let go of her, his embrace was disturbingly warm.

Ron, who'd been examining all of this curiously, decided he ought to get to the point.

"Why are you three down here in the first place?"

_It was an accident. We stayed in the forest for too long and decided we should hide somewhere safe until morning._

"You fell down the tunnel didn't you?"

The trio nodded sheepishly.

"It was an accident –"

"That's what they all say. Accident or not, you could've turned back but you chose not to. That's trespassing."

"What are you doing down here?" asked Amy.

"I'm the security guard. It's my job to take nightshifts. It's not my fault I get lost down here too." it added.

Amy ignored Ron still curious as to the heat of the Doctor's hug. She put her hand against his forehead.

_God Amy your hand is freezing!_

"No it's not. You're burning up."

_Well that's just brilliant._

The Doctor manoeuvred himself so his back was leaning against the wall.

_Might as well get the questioning done whilst I'm conscious._

Once again the psychic paper was transmitting a little more than the Doctor had intended. Amy gave him a concerned look.

_Ron why does a maze need to be guarded?_

Amy looked up at Ron giving the alien a quizzical look. The Doctor had a point.

"Tourists often graffiti the walls."

_No, there's not enough un-drawn on space here for that._

"The tunnels aren't exactly a tourist attraction in the first place." Amy pointed out. "There were no signs for them and the queue outside was for the restaurant."

_What aren't you telling us?_

"That restaurant is full of nothing but muck!" spat Ron. "If I'd had my way Achi would have never set it up."

"Achi?" said Rory.

There were too many name similarities cropping up for this to be a coincidence.

"I mean – Archie." Ron spluttered, but it was too late to cover up its mistake.

The group exchanged glances but decided not to push the fact yet.

_So tell me, is this Archie still in charge of the restaurant?_

Ron nodded, hoping this would draw the Doctor off the scent.

_Then why do you hate it so much?_

"He destroys the forest for the food it can produce. You've seen the trees, they're weak!"

"They looked fine to me." remarked Amy.

"I suppose you humans already wreck your planet, you don't know the difference between a healthy tree and an unhealthy tree but I sure do!"

"Well how _do _you tell?" said Amy in a slightly affronted tone.

"They are too droopy." Ron announced.

"O-kay."

"Archie doesn't seem to care about this place anymore." Ron sighed. "That leaves me to do all the work."

"So what are you? Alien Greenpeace or National Trust?" asked Amy.

Ron gave her a confused look.

"I do my best to protect what remains of this planet's culture and habitat."

"Which includes setting up nooses?" said Rory, reminded of how the Doctor had been snared by Ron's trap earlier in the day.

"I have to eat somehow. It's just as well Ronalopius is home to so many pests."

"How do you protect the nature of a whole planet? Surely that's a lot of ground to cover." Pointed out Amy.

"My network system alerts me to any threats."

"Networking system?" said Rory.

Ron ignored the question.

"Then I go to fight off Archie's chefs."

_Have you tried talking to him about this?_

"He'd never listen. Stubborness is the only consistent thing about him."

_But you don't know that until you try._


End file.
